


Dawn's Journal

by yvochrali



Series: The Retoldverse [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Female Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Dawn Summers-centric, Diary/Journal, Female Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Mild Language, POV Dawn Summers, Pre-Season/Series 01, References to Depression, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05, Sister-Sister Relationship, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yvochrali/pseuds/yvochrali
Summary: Dawn Summers is, without a doubt, an enigma waiting to be uncovered like the nut she is. She's the one who sings to her food about how she loves it more than all the other fishies...(what?) and who also has quite the volatile temper, but we still love her anyway! Discover stories just DYING (heh, heh, get it?) to be told, now from Dawn's perspective! Part 3 of the Retoldverse.
Relationships: Buffy Summers & Dawn Summers, Cordelia Chase & Dawn Summers, Dawn Summers & Andrew Wells, Dawn Summers & Joyce Summers, Drusilla & Dawn Summers, Jenny Calendar/Rupert Giles, Riley Finn/Buffy Summers, Rupert Giles & Dawn Summers, Spike & Dawn Summers, Tara Maclay & Dawn Summers, Tara Maclay & Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Willow Rosenberg & Dawn Summers, Xander Harris & Dawn Summers, Xander Harris & Spike
Series: The Retoldverse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891282
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. Becoming One with Objects and the Badassness of Buffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse, as much as I wish I did. If I did, Dawn would exist from the beginning and have the power to speak to the dead. (wink wink, nudge nudge)
> 
> Dawn: I think I like you better.
> 
> (Eyes start to sparkle with joy.)
> 
> Dawn: O.o

**Becoming One with Objects and the Badassness of Buffy**

**Set Pre-Season 1**

Dear Journal (or is it a diary? I dunno, journal just sounds cooler, don't you think?)

We finally got to Sunnydale! It took like, forever! Buffy was brooding the entire time. I think she was trying to become one with the window. (How DO you "become one" with something (or someone) anyway? Do you like, physically attach yourself to...a person or an object, or like, spiritually do so, cuz that would basically sum up what she was trying to do.)

My sister is profoundly stupid at times. She decides to go become some obsessed-with-her-flawless-self Queen Bee and somehow DOESN'T expect there to be some kind of karma for her actions? (She actually BURNED down the school gym!) Pfft, she may be a big bad Slayer, but I'm way smarter than her. Bulling others as she did...it´s horrible. Nobody deserves to be teased; my own classmates were always really mean to me. Besides, how do you call a smart person a "loser"? They're like, the future of our whole world. Labelling someone a nerd or a geek just seems completely dumb to me. 

I really, really hope that I can finally make some friends at my new school. Back in LA, a lot of my classmates avoided me like the plague, because my idiot sister bullied their brothers and sisters. Everybody looked at me as if I was just like _her_. But I´m not. I´m better than her. But of course, nobody seems to think so. 

Note to self; don't blow up any school gyms, or anything, whatsoever. Everyone will hate you. Including any school in the state with any common sense. 

'Mice were chewing on wires'. How dumb do you think the firefighters, or frankly, the cops have to be to buy THAT?

We've only been in Sunnydale for a week and the cops here give that kind of impression...

Buffy doesn't know that I know she's the slayer. I found the stakes, the holy water and the crosses...put two and two together and followed her. At first, I thought I was totally crazy and that it was all a dream. Vampires and Demons actually EXIST! Now, how COOL is THAT? Well, apart from the killing people thing...Ewww

Buffy may tend to make some REALLY bad decisions...but she is badass. The fighting...the kicks and punches...the POW POW POW 'I will stake your ass' moments...SO FRICKING AWESOME!

I felt kinda sorry for her when Dad found her diary. They sent her to the loony bin, which is like, totally crazy. She's not crazy; I would know. Mom and Dad were the crazy ones! I should have said something; Buffy obviously didn't belong there with all of those sad, crazy people.

...wow, I just went all wise there didn't I? Look at me! Dawn the Wise! I will use my powers of wisdom to save the world from its eventual demise! MUHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Eeep! Mom's calling me!

Sweet journal, remind me to get you a lock so my evil sister will never read these very words!

But for now...YES, Mom, I´m coming! Geez.

**Finite**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. You're probably thinking; "WHAT?! DAWN ACTUALLY EXISTS?"
> 
> Yes. Love her or hate her...I love her to bits. I'm exactly her age in Season 5-6, so I identify with her a lot. Including the fits of temper, (I have those too.) and the weirdness. I also have a tendency to befriend the oddest of people, and we have the same hair colour.
> 
> And we both have older sisters with lighter hair. Except hers is nicer (yes, she is) and is 5 years older than her, not 2.
> 
> R&R and look out for the next story!
> 
> xo


	2. Loser like Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse. If I did, Dawn would have friends.
> 
> Dawn: (sniff)

**Loser Like Me**

**Set mid-Season 1**

Dear Journal

I hate Chrissy. I hate, hate, _hate_ her! She's always following me around, trying to get me in trouble! I HATE HER. 

Mom says that she's scared of me because I am "secure" in my place in the world, unlike her.

I agree. Chrissy is a _pain_ , but all I need to do is ignore her and leave her drowning in her own misery.

Easier said than done. I feel bad for her. (I hate her but feel bad for her. What's up with that?) Everyone always expects her to be Chrissy der Perfekte, and she's so miserable, she's trying to get _me_ , Dawn Marie Summers, Queen Loser of Loserdom, to _notice_ her by being an annoying twit.

That's just so sad. I don't want to hate her anymore. 

I just need to be her friend and everything will be okay! I wear my title with pride, my head held high, but it can suck majorly. (Thanks to Buffy. She´s not quite so bad anymore. Quieter, I guess. It´s something to get used to)

Maybe if I get people to stop picking on me at school, everyone will stop bothering me and I'll be all confident and stuff, and Buffy will _have_ to take me seriously!

There has to be a reason she doesn't let me hang out with her friends.

Willow and Xander are so _cool_. I mean, _seriously cool_. Willow has this super duper _awesome_ hacking thing going on, and she's like, a _genius_ or something! Plus, she has these really pretty green eyes. (Eeep, don't tell anyone I said that! I want to tell her myself) Xander's the goofy one. He makes some really _bad_ (and good) jokes, but he's always there for people when they need him. I want friends like that.

But for now, I am Dawn Summers, Loser Freak. _SIGH_.

I really, really, really, _really_ , _really_ _hate_ that title now.

Oh God, Buffy's coming.

Apparently, I stole her shoes. (I did)

"Oh _no_ Queen Buffy, I did not _steal_ your shoes. I merely borrowed them for a _teensy-weensy while_." I am as innocent as a spring flower.

Ooo, here comes the dirty look. Then the threatening pillow... _HEY! THAT'S MINE!_

"I'll give back your _stupid_ pillow if you give me back my shoes, you _ungrateful_ brat who I _dearly_ wish wasn't even born!" Buffy Summers the Rage Monster vs Dawn Summers the Innocent Spring Flower.

Dawn Summers the Innocent Spring Flower remains innocent.

Buffy the Rage Monster turns mysteriously red, then purple. _Huh_.

Okay, she didn't _quite_ say that, but that's what she meant! She _hates_ my guts! And, and she wishes I was _never_ born and that she was an only child!

Mom denies it.

Buffy doesn't.

 _Thank God_ , she's gone.

Nope, she's back.

With Mom.

_Sissy._

Damnit, I love those shoes. Maybe I should get a job and start earning my own money...

I'll be right back! 

**Finite**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this chapter. Dawn the Sassy comes out to play!
> 
> I especially liked the "Oh no, Queen Buffy, I did not steal your shoes. I merely borrowed them for a teensy-weesny while." xD
> 
> There is no bashing in any of my fics. Ever. I hate bashing characters because every character has their flaws and strengths. The bad is just as much apart of them as the good.
> 
> For example, Willow's jealousy, her arrogance. Xander's big mouth. Spike's cruel remarks. Dawn's selfishness. Joyce's inability to accept out-of-the-norm-things. Buffy's tendency to use people for her own gain, Cordelia's tactlessness and Faith being a bully to people who are "weaker" than her in order to feel in control, including both Willow and Tara.
> 
> If characters were perfect, we wouldn't exactly like them either. It's an insult to the creator and is unrealistic and boring.
> 
> Do not bash characters for a single personality flaw, even if they can be bullies, or if they are sometimes say stupid, cruel stuff to others, because there is always something good about the characters, otherwise a lot of people wouldn't genuinely admire them (say, Xander and Faith). There's also usually a reason behind their behavior.
> 
> xo


	3. Dawn the Detective and The Weird Swoosh-feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse. If I did-
> 
> Cordelia: (Rudely interrupts) -it wouldn't have run for seven seasons-
> 
> Faith: (continues) -the comics wouldn't exist-
> 
> Dawn: (finishes) -and everyone would have cried at the loss of such a beautiful vision.
> 
> Hey!-
> 
> Wesley: May I ask why? It seems so...disrespectful to simply, ah, assume such a terrible thing.
> 
> Cordelia: Point blank, the Buffyverse wouldn't have happened. There. You know why. (Meaningful glance)
> 
> (Author chokes)
> 
> Wesley: (Gets it) Ah.
> 
> (Author whines pitifully; she doesn't like been ignored.)

**Dawn the Detective and the Weird Swoosh-feeling**

**Set Season 2; after Halloween**

Dear Journal

 _SOMETHING EPIC_ _HAPPENED_!

Cue drumroll-

 _Everyone got turned into their_ _costumes_!

(And I have a new friend. But we'll talk about that another day. His name is Andrew, and he´s going to be starting high school next year)

Isn't that _cool_? I wish I had been there! Well, Spike almost got dusted by Cordelia. And even as Soldier Xander doesn't seem to like him very much. That bit wasn't quite so cool. I like Spike; he's so cool, wears cool clothes, walks _cool_ , talks _cool_ , _he's so, so, so, so cool_!

So many cools, and they don't even _begin_ to describe Spike. He's like a big brother and your lurky-yet-sweet next-door neighbour all rolled into _one_!

You should have seen Xander's face when I said that I wanted to _be_ Spike. He _really_ doesn't like Spike, which is weird, because, Xander is usually quite chill with demons and such. He even befriended a Demon named Clem, who's really just a harmless, sweet guy (demon? Guy-demon...demon-person?) with a heart of gold. Hmmm...I wonder what his problem with Spike is?

I should investigate! I will be like Harriet Walsh, snooping around and finding out everybody's secrets...only, I wouldn't write mean stuff, ya know? Besides, I wouldn't get away with it even if I tried. My classmates don't need _another_ reason to hate me. Well, except Chrissy; she seems to like me now. And Janice, I guess. She´s kinda nice. Certainly much nicer than the rest of my class.

Anyway, back to Halloween.

A lot of stuff happened. Some good stuff, and some not-so-good stuff. My class just became one student smaller than last week, and nobody seemed to notice except me. 

His name was Eric. He was a typical boy, but he mostly ignored me. Apart from that time he traded his rhubarb sandwich for my pizza pocket.

Nobody mentions him anymore; it's like he didn't even exist. I don't know why; I tried to ask Giles about it, but he just starting cleaning his glasses. He always does this when he doesn't want to talk about something, so I just walked away. I feel sad. He didn´t deserve to die, and I don´t even know what happened to him.

Some really eerie vampire-lady talked to me. She was real pretty and offered to "turn" me. She said that she had always wanted a child and that I was "perfect". Mom always told me to be polite, so I said no thank you, which seemed to genuinely disappoint her. I don´t think she was quite sane, but she was kinda interesting in a way she spoke, and the stuff she said was sorta understandable. (To me. Buffy that she was just some crazy vampiress called Drusilla, and that I should not talk to her, because she had these freaky hypnosis powers that could make me do stuff I didn´t want to do. Spike got kinda fidgety when she said that; I think he knows her, but he didn't say anything)

The only person who listened to me was Willow. She's nice. Like I said before, she's a _genius_. I like her eyes; they're pretty, and they sparkle, so I told her the truth. She gives me the vibe of the quiet-quirky-nerdy-sweet type who doesn't believe that she is pretty because people keep on insulting her dress sense. I like her clothes, they´re cute and fit her personality.

When I told her that she was pretty, she got all embarrassed and blushed (a lot!); then told me that she appreciated it, but I don't think she totally believes what I told her. She should, ´cuz it´s true.

My stomach went all weird and did this _swoosh_ thing when she told me that I was smart for my "level of education".

Mom kept on giving me these strange looks for the rest of the day when I practically skipped through the front door and almost knocked over the potted plant in the hallway. Heh heh, oops.

I may have said this again, and _again_ , but Buffy's friends are the _coolest_.

Especially Willow. People should listen to her way often; maybe she wouldn't be so insecure.

Like Chrissy.

Who just wanted people to notice her...

... _Oh my god_ , I know what to do!

Be right back tomorrow!

**Finite**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Weird-Swoosh-feeling.
> 
> Gee, I wonder what it is. Oh Dawn, you poor, tragic, oblivious, little thing. It's called a crush.
> 
> The part that I probably liked the most, was the part about "the boy in Dawn's class who mysteriously won't be returning".
> 
> It all comes back to the point of Dawn's Journal; the naivety of youth and the ignorance of adults (a.k.a the ones who suffer the most, but nobody realizes it)
> 
> Dawn is basically telling a very tragic story, and she doesn't even realize it. People don't listen to the cries of little kids. Sure, they scrape their knee; the adults come running. But when it counts psychologically...everyone just assumes that these things don't need to be talked about. Because little kids are innocent, hopeful, the future of our world, so people just have the tendency to put them in a little box, and not think about what they see; what they hear, but don't talk about because they don't understand what they are seeing, and how it will psychologically affect them in the future.
> 
> Just because you don't understand what you're seeing, doesn't mean you aren't affected by it. Because when you do finally understand...the emotions come back and this time, you are well aware of what it means.
> 
> The Harry Potter books are a brilliant example of what I just said. Poor Harry, not even two years old, sees his mother dead in front of him, and continues to have nightmares about it for the next fifteen years.
> 
> Dawn lost a classmate; someone who she saw everyday; who she saw laugh with his friends; play in the playground. Eventually, it will hurt. Because even if you didn't practically care about them in that deep-personal way, she still knew him. The idea of a human life, a young human life especially, never being able to do anything ever again because they are dead is tragic by itself. Look at Anya. Watch Violet Evergarden. You'll get it. Some of you already do.
> 
> Sorry, that took a really depressing turn; I kinda get carried away sometimes.
> 
> Anyway, R&R and don't forget to favourite and follow my story!
> 
> xo


	4. Denying Yourself and Accepting Others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse. If I did, this wouldn't exist.
> 
> Dawn: (chattering away to Tara in the background, showing off a piece of paper) Look Tara! Look! It says that I can speak to the dead! (beams) How BADASS is that? (looks at paper again) And...and, ooo! Dormant Mystical Powers! Can open portals...I'll even be able-
> 
> DAWN! Stop giving out spoilers!
> 
> Dawn: (Deflates, her mood suddenly darkening)
> 
> Tara: (Gently pats her head) C-Come on, Want me to show you something cool? You might l-like it. 
> 
> Dawn: (Eyes sparkle; she throws her arms in the air in celebration and boundless joy) Would I?!! YEAH! (Squeals happily)

**Denying Yourself and Accepting Others**

**Set in Season 4**

I wish I could say that everything has been normal in Sunnydale.

Nope! When has _that_ ever been the case? _Never._ We're all doomed to the Hellmouth's cycle of repeated destruction because that´s the kind of life we live in.

Oz left because he's afraid of hurting Willow. After all, he _is_ a Werewolf. (Willow told me. Shh, don't tell Buffy! Thankfully, she has this new Witchy friend. Hmm, I wonder what kind of magic they do together?)

Buffy got to together with her Pysch TA of all people. Yeah, yeah, Spike told me. You guessed it. 

Honestly, what's more creepy? Spike and Xander not speaking to each other, or Spike and Xander _agreeing_ on something? (They called Riley _Captain Cardboard_ behind his back! Buffy pretended she didn't hear them)

And there's me...little, old me. Still a nobody. Sure, I have Andrew, Chrissy and Janice, but...they don't _really_ get me. Andrew tries, but he's a teenage _boy_. Everyone just leaves me behind, ya know? Or they think I'm weird; even my friends think so. It sucks majorly. Mom's totally _obsessed_ with her gallery, so she doesn't time for me right now. School's not all that exciting anymore; nothing is.

Everything I used to enjoy just seems empty and stupid. I dunno why.

Mr Bennett (He's my Physics teacher) pulled me aside last week. It was _weird_ because he usually never does that. Normally, I really like him and try to make an effort in class, but I guess I haven't been raising my hand as much as I usually do because he asked me if _I_ was okay. _He's_ the one with the bad hip; why'd he ask _me_ about my feelings? It's _crazy_. We talked for about 10 minutes about all kinds of stuff; How school was going, if everything at home was okay...you know. Stuff that doesn't matter.

Then he told me to go see a school counsellor because "he's worried about me." 

I didn't go. If my classmates heard about it, I'd never hear the end of it. "Lil' Dawn's _crazy_. Poor you! I feel _so_ sorry for you. Can we do _anything_? _Oh my gosh,_ are you going to _the loony bin_? I hear that's where all the _crazy_ and _depressed_ people go." 

Firstly, that's incredibly insulting to mentally-disabled people and secondly, _it isn't going to happen._

My sister is dating her Psych TA and people are _worried_ that her _precious_ her little sister might be _depressed._ Oh, the irony.

I don't quite what to write anymore. Did I miss anything?

Oh yeah, I think Jenny is going to ask Giles to marry her (Thank God, _finally_ ), or the other way around _._ When Mom and I went out shopping, I saw Jenny walk into a jewellery shop, and then the other day, I _swear_ I saw Giles constantly putting his hand in his left pocket. (Just do it, man! What do you have to lose? You´ve known her for almost three years, which I guess is actually really short, but this _is_ the Hellmouth. If you don´t get married now, you´ll never do)

And Tara most definitely has a crush on Willow. (That's actually kinda sweet; now, if _only_ Willow would notice)

Because progression matters in this family. 

**Finite**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Dawn is writing more darkly as her emotions become darker. Yes, Spike and Xander agree on something. Yes, Dawn has realized that Tara has a crush on Willow; she did herself, after all. And yes, Oz left earlier than in canon. Not because I dislike him, quite the contrary actually, but because it works. 
> 
> The most progressive thing about the show is how there's just this character who accepts everyone for who they are. It's positive to see someone get so much joy over two people she loves dearly getting back together, not caring that they are two women, because love is love, and Dawn seems to understand that. Now THAT's progression. Willow reminding everyone every 5 minutes that she's gay is going a little overboard with the "LESBIANS ARE THE NEW COOL. WE ARE THE FUTURE." trope, which isn't progression; just cringe.
> 
> Dawn practically JUMPING up and down and flapping her arms like it's Christmas has nothing to do with Willow and Tara being two women; she just loves that two people she holds closest (apart from her Mom and Buffy) to her heart are happy with each other. That's all. It's her normality. A security blanket to remind her that everything's okay. 
> 
> That's why I love Dawn <3
> 
> Follow, subscribe or leave kudos; It would make my day.
> 
> Until then...
> 
> xo


	5. Fighting for Oneself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse. If I did...okay, lets cut the crap-I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK! WHY DID THEY HAVE XANDER AND WILLOW EVEN EXCHANGE SALVIA?!
> 
> Faith: Beats me. (Shrug)
> 
> Giles: Do we have to carry on this conversation? (Reflexiably cleans his glasses)
> 
> YES, ITS-
> 
> Giles: (Sarcastically) Oh good. I find myself thoroughly enjoying the imagery and its further implications. 
> 
> SHOULD NEVER HAVE-(Halts) Wait, really?
> 
> Giles: No, you blithering idiot; read the next chapter before you bore us all to death.

**Fighting for Oneself  
  
Set in Season 5  
  
Rated T for strong language (From a 14-year old girl?!)**

Dear Journal  
  
You can't _believe_ what happened this week! 

Actually, you probably could. After all, they did send us presents, which we forgot (as well as all the other presents) to open until Christmas morning. I was so excited and I forgot all about it! Thankfully, nobody has (or will ever) tell _that_ story.

Faith came back. (If you don't know what happened, Faith left Sunnydale with Spike and Anya to find out more about Slayers at the start of Christmas break after this half-demon Seer called Doyle came to Sunnydale because he had a vision; I tried to store myself away in the trunk of the car. It didn't work. Faith _sniffed_ me out! Yuck! Stupid Slayer powers...)

Apparently, Slayers aren't _entirely_ human. (Buffy didn't _seem_ to care for some reason. Maybe she always knew. She's kinda like that. People underestimate her, but's she smarter than she looks, for all of her craziness. She seemed more interested in the Scythe, which they are still trying to track down. Doyle´s vision only gave us one important piece of information; It is not in Sunnydale)

You know, normal every-day findings. Just another Tuesday. (It's Tuesday)

The only thing that hasn't happened is my weekly kidnapping. Everyone's on edge because Glory's been a pain and they're worried that she'll suddenly turn up on our front doorstep (Like last time) and steal me away. Ha! More like she'll _blast_ her way through! Sorry, not a time for jokes. I wasted all of my jokes during Christmas.

I bet they just wish that she'd, you know, take me away. Without Mom, things have been tough. People have always thought the worst of me. I'm a burden, I'm whiny, I'm selfish, blah blah blah. 

I couldn't care less. Maybe I'll just let her take me; maybe Tara'll notice, but nobody else will, I guess. Anyway, does Glory need _all_ of my blood? Isn't there some _other_ way to open a damn portal? I'm literally The Key. A celestial creation; not a one-time-use-only key! I don't know how I know this, I just _do_. It's in my blood, calling to me like some freaky compulsion. A need to... _open something_.

Like I've always been like, _destined_ to _help_ Glory _willingly_. Without somehow bringing _literal_ Hell to earth. _Thank you_ for _that_ piece of information, Watcher-guys. Now, _piss out of my house_. (They're talking to Giles right now. Face it, they just want to stay to watch us, but I doubt they'll do so for so much longer. Buffy scared the _fuck_ out of them. I almost expected them (as they are simply stuffed shirts with glasses and a James Bond accent, _yet so much less dead sexy_ ) to fall apart at the seams, so scared _shitless_ they were of her. 

I'm glad that Spike's back. He's the only person, aside from Tara, and to an extent, Buffy, to make the world seem less...dark. I know Buffy loves me and that'll she'd sacrifice her own life for me (But it isn't going to happen; I know it) but sometimes she looks at me as if she wishes that I was different. I don't know _why_. I like the way I am now. (A lie, but a white lie never hurt anyone, did it?) 

Everyone's here to fight Glory. Wesley and his crew are going to be arriving soon; they're on their way now. Faith called them; Buffy wasn't too happy about that. She likes the idea that _her_ Scoobies can defend themselves without "outside help". Anya "calmed" her down by actually _reasoning_ with her. 

Here's what she said.

Without said _outside help_ , Glory would send us _all_ to Hell, and we'd spend the rest of our short, little, foolish mortal existences fighting for our lives against various, _practically immortal_ demonic creatures, as we are reminded of our failure every waking moment of said short, little, foolish mortal existences.

As a bonus, we die young _and_ pretty.

I wouldn't have put it _that_ way, but eh. It's Anya. What _do_ you expect? She shuts even _Cordy_ up. _And_ has her beat in maxing out the Blunt Honestly to the Point of No Return Ability; D&D style.

I _know_ they care. I _know_ they don't want me to get hurt. _I get it._ But...

...they'll _all_ be fighting. Every _single_ last one of them. And they're going to leave me behind. _Again._

Like Spike always says:

_Not bloody likely!_

**Finite**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, I love this! Dawn really is growing into her own; she's not just some naive, little kid anymore. She's Dawn Marie Fricking Summers! 
> 
> She's also had to grow up unusually quickly, on the other hand. It saddens me, but it has to be done. She's defintely more mature than in canon.
> 
> And yeah, Slayer's aren't entirely human. They're Demonically-Enhanced Humans whose line is tightly controlled by The Watcher's Council. 
> 
> On a last note, you don't have to neccessarily be 15-years old to be activated as a Slayer. The line will choose a Slayer based on their compentency and their ability to not, you know, die. This is why no Slayer is killed before they have been activated for at least two years. If the line just chose random Potentials, they'd all simply die in a matter of weeks. Nice thought to go to bed with. Say thank you to me for giving you nightmares!
> 
> Anywho, give me kudos, subscribe, follow, like, whatever you can do on ao3. 
> 
> xo


	6. So that happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse. Thank God for that; my life is stressful enough. 
> 
> Oh, and check out the poll I created: What is your favourite character? Vote here! https://vote.pollcode.com/21176822

**So that happened**

**Set in Season 5**

**Warning: Mild language and mentions brief moments of violence**

Dear Journal

_This is it. The final battle._

Okay, cut, _cuuut_.

We defeated Glory. My plan worked. I somehow got Buffy´s blood. Don´t ask how. She´s still pissed off with me for using that kind of magic.

 _And_ I ended up only having to give up _most_ of my blood, stab Doc in both eyes (Buffy almost cried with joy) annnndd get grounded until I´m thirty. (Buffy´s doing. I mean, _come on_! My plan _worked_! I only had to be in the hospital for _two_ weeks! It´s an achievement, don´t you think?)

And damn, that was cryptic. Giles will be so proud of me. I, his faithful apprentice (He´s teaching me magic - the theory anyway. Tara insisted on teaching me the rest. Willow may have been a littttle jealous, but Tara seemed really upset today and wouldn´t listen. I kept my mouth shut; one thing I´ve learned from the situation with Glory is that self-preservation is both a bitch, and a friend) has become what some people (cough _everyone_ cough) call "Mini-Giles with more hair". (Jenny assured him that he still looks sexy, even when he has no-more hair left. _Ugh_! Like, I needed _that_ particular image in my head! _Giles sexy_! Ew! Not that he _isn´t_ handsome...it´s just, he´s _Giles_ )

Xander was horrified that I´ve been apparently "corrupted" by...logic (Corruption happened a long, _long_ time ago kiddies!)

Now all I need to do is adopt a drop-dead sexy British accent, wear tweed, glasses and move to England, _and my conversion will finally be complete_!

Willow already attempted one out of four. Giles stared at her as if he´d never seen her in his life before. Through, he could just have been regretting it.

Yeah, Glory went home. She sure left an impression on our world (We´re _still_ rounding up Demons and the, um, _occasional_ stray dragon that made its home on top on the nearest church. Apparently dragons like churches. The local priest fainted; several times in fact. Poor dear)

I think I actually stunned a _hell-goddess_ with my ground-breaking ability _to not give a shit_. I mean, had _nobody_ before Giles (he left for a few months to meet with the Council, and we all frail around like idiots) _ever_ thought of using Buffy´s blood? You know, half-half? Giles had this idea that if the portal could be opened by my blood, and closed by my blood, then theoretically, Buffy herself could both open and close it since we share the same blood.

I just put that theory to the test. Nooo, biggy. 

Yeah, no "biggy" alright. I got myself grounded for two weeks. (I got to keep Faith´s knives though! "I´m proud of ya, kid. Just don´t get killed, okay? B will have my hide)

But...but that _wasn_ ´t what hurt me the most. 

The most _horrific_ thing she could _ever_ do to _me_.

It is _awful_. 

I´m lying on my bed.... _dying_ without _Her_ soothing presence to keep me going. 

To keep me from falling into _complete_ and _utter_ despair.

She´s the most _important_ thing to me on _the Mother Earth_.

And she took _Her_ away. 

Ripped _Her_ from my hands as I _begged_ for mercy.

 _Tore_ my still-beating heart from my chest and _crushed it to smithereens_.

_My eternal soulmate..._

_...HOW COULD MY EVIL SISTER TAKE MY NINTENDO 64 FROM ME???!_

**Finite**


	7. Focusing On What We´ve Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, yesterday I wrote an entire new fic since like, four months ago. It´s called "Finally At Rest". Did you like the drawing? (it was cute, but obviously, far from artistic - it was just a silly little thing - rock babe!Tara though...I wasn´t high I assure you!)
> 
> Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I am FINALLY writing a new chapter of Dawn´s Journal. It´s been so incredible going on this journey with Dawn and Co. Seeing the universe from her POV was the most entertaining thing ever. No worries! I won´t be finishing this fic yet! I have more after all. The real challenge is figuring out a way to get it all out of my brain, through my fingers and into the computer...
> 
> Dawn: "Hmph!" (crosses her arms)
> 
> I will, okay?!
> 
> Dawn: "Suuurrreeee you will." (drawls)
> 
> DAMN IT DAWN. I WILL.
> 
> Dawn: (sighs heavily) "Okay, okay. If you say so..." (suddenly smirks mischievously) "Oh and by the way, guys, she does not own Buffy. If you did, she wouldn´t be planning to hoard Buffy books, read them all and then cuddle with them..."
> 
> HEY! I´m ordering THREE from Amazon!
> 
> Dawn: "You´re actually going to stop at three? You´re going to buy dozens within the next like, 30 years or so! I bet on it!"
> 
> You did what?
> 
> Dawn: (smirks but doesn´t reply)

**Focusing On What We´ve Lost**

**Set between Season 5 and 6**

I miss Mom. 

What else can I say? (Faith graduated. So did Andrew. I still have two more years to go) I miss her so much that my heart is politely asking me if it can explode out of my chest.

You know, people always say that summer is a time for relaxation. To experience things. To go out on a thrill-seeking adventure, maybe climb the Himalayas or go on a road trip.

Here? It´s a time for boredom. A time to focus on all the bad things and sink into a deep, dark depression. My shrink told me to go do something fun. Something that will remind me of the good times in my life. My childhood.

Yes, I see a therapist. You remember that teacher I told you about? Mr Bennett? My physics teacher? Yeah, well, he, to my eternal humiliation, managed to actually convince Buffy to send me to see a therapist. So far it´s going, I dunno, a-okay I guess? Tara suggested to Buffy (and Willow agreed with her - naturally) that I might be more comfortable talking with a woman.

I so hate to say this, but they were right. Tara always could see through me. She´s been great, really. I honestly don´t know how she did it, but once she was finished with Buffy, she started to like, actually talk to me instead of at me. Buffy, that is. 

Willow? She´s...okay, you know how I used to have a crush on her? (I admit it! I did!) Well, I may have been a litttttleeee jealous of Tara at first, but I quickly got over it. Now my crush on Willow is practically non-existent. Xander though...man, he´s gotten hot. Like seriously. Construction work looks good on him. 

This entry has officially become a teenage-thirst party. Damn you hormones. 

Or I´m just using the thirsting-thing as a distraction from actually dealing. What did Buffy once say? Ah, yes. "Happily vacationing in the land of Not Coping". That´s what I´ve been doing these past two weeks. 

I miss Mom. I miss Janice. I miss Andrew. The only friend I have left is Chrissy. She´s... _changed_. _A lot_. Matured...in more ways than one. 

Janice moved away with her family. New York, I think. Moved on to better things then Sunnyhell. She even started acting like she was better than me...bossing me around and shit, but I _miss_ her. 

Andrew is an entirely different story. I saw him a lot at school before summer vacation but he´s hanging out with a new crowd now. A bunch of creeps really. Jason and Keith are the worst. And then there´s that older guy, Warren. He looks to be about the same age as Buffy, Willow and Xander, maybe even a bit older. I haven´t the faintest clue why he hangs around the school grounds. The guy just stands there just outside the school boundaries, watching Andrew and his new "friends". It gives me the wiggins.

Those boys give a bad name to nerds. I caught Keith staring, like _literally staring_ at me, but believe me, his eyes were not looking at my face. Not even close. The pig. I don´t understand why he´s even hanging out with _them_ of all people. It hurts that it implies that he thinks that they´re better company than me. I was his friend! For over two years! I listened to him. I understood him. I hugged him when he cried. And he left me. Just stood me up one day without _a single word_ and chose to hang around a bunch of horny creeps with absolutely _no_ respect for the female species. 

I lost him. I lost Mom. And...it just hurts. It´s the kind of pain that never goes away. It´s constant. I feel like my world is literally falling apart around me and all I can do is _watch_. 

I´m so glad that I asked Tara to put some secrecy charms on my journal.

Buffy must _never_ see this. That would open a whole can of worms that I do not want to acknowledge. Or deal with. At all.

Ever.

**Finite**


End file.
